


All, or nothing at all.

by in_thrall



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Feminist Themes, Mutually Unrequited, No Smut, Self-Esteem, sex mentioned not described
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5608516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_thrall/pseuds/in_thrall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jo does not fit neatly into the little box Dean put her in upon their first meeting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not your little sister

Ellen was in town dealing with a vendor problem. Jo was hustling hard behind the bar, keeping glasses filled and turning down pick-up lines. After years of practice she developed the right amount of sass. She could come across as serious but without so much vinegar as to disappear her tips. Dean had settled in waiting for Ellen to return, keeping an eye on Jo in case anyone got out of hand. Sliding comfortably into the protective older brother role that felt best around Jo. A bratty kid who thought she knew everything but was usually trying to push his buttons.

Dean and Sam had a lead on some artifact Ellen was after for another hunter. It was nothing to the Winchesters but the job was worth a lot to somebody because it paid a fifteen hundred dollar bounty. That was a week’s worth of pool room winnings and felt like more honest work. Ash moseyed in around ten. He must have been in a social mood because rather than his usual spot at the pool table, he chose a stool at the bar next to Dean. He went got a roll about China and secret internet wars for about four beers. Dean had almost tuned it out completely when his train of thought made one of those left turns that no one besides Ash understood and he started on a new topic.

“There are exactly two things you need to know about Jo Harvelle and somehow you failed to pick up on either of them. I don’t know how, based on the time you dedicate to watching her, but I’ll leave that alone for now.” Ash stuck his thumb up in front of Dean’s nose for emphasis. “Thing one. That girl is a hunter.”

Dean brushed the hand out of his face. “Uh yeah Ash, I’ve been on a hunt with her so I did pick up on that.”

“I don’t mean it’s what she does, I mean it’s who she is. Her daddy was a hunter and whatever gene causes people to go into this line of work, he passed it on to her. If she’d never been exposed to this life she would be a bounty hunter or PI or some other kind of normal world job doing the same thing. She has an eye for the right details and the patience to stalk her prey. She can detach and access a situation for all the likely outcomes. She does the same with people. Usually knows what people are going to do before they know themselves. You included.” Dean didn’t say anything but took a long pull from his beer in consideration. Ash was pretty much a genius. If the strange little man gave Jo that much credit, there had to be something to it.

“Thing two.” This time Ash brought his thumb and finger up pointing like a gun directly at Dean’s nose, again just a little too close. “That girl is no girl. She is a grown ass woman.”

“Not hardly” Dean almost laughed at that one.

“She grew up in a hunter bar. You do the math.” Dean had always been good at math and he really didn’t like the way this was adding up.

“She may look like the blushing girl next door but you’ve seen her play poker. She knows exactly how to work that shy innocent angle. You know I’m right.”

Dean was too stunned to make with a comeback. Instead he just cocked is head to the side and nodded surrender. Jo had always reminded Dean of the way flannel felt after too many washes. So thin and soft you could almost see through it with the colors faded pastel. She was slender and delicate with fine bones. Oh and those bones were sharp too. Dean remembered the impact of her fist from their first meeting. She knew how to land a punch using the flat of her first two knuckles, square so her fist didn’t glance off and lose force. You didn’t get that kind of a punch from reading about it or watching someone else fight. How many noses and jaws had she hit to become that solid he wondered.

Dean looked up in time to see Jo smile and lower her eyes before playfully pushing a customer who was leaning too close across the bar. It worked perfectly. The guy sat back down without a fuss. He did have to admit it and it hit hard. All her false bravado and mouthy sass took on a new light. She really had known what she was doing. Months ago the first time he walked into the roadhouse she made that unspoken offer and he turned it down. He wasn’t in the habit of taking advantage of kids who thought they were trying out their flirting skills on someone safe. In that split second he made a judgement about her, and he summed it up wrong. Shut her down with a “you know what, never mind” and put her firmly in the cute kid category in his mind.

“Guess I can’t fault you for missing the second part” Ash interrupted Dean’s train of thought. “She doesn’t always turn them down but you wouldn’t know that. Because she always turns them down when you’re in town.”

Suddenly the air was a bit too thick inside the roadhouse, the walls a little too close and the music a little too loud. He didn’t really know how to process that information. Jo picked up guys and went home with them? His Jo did that? Woah! What! Where did that come from? When did he start thinking of her as _his Jo_? Dean pulled a ten and a twenty out of his pocket and slapped them on the bar.

“Settle up for me ok. And tell Ellen I’ll call her.”

“I gotcha’ brother” Ash gave him a slow knowing nod. The same nod Ash would give if he said he needed another beer or if he said he had a phobia of balloons. It was an Ash mannerism but all the same didn’t help Dean’s piece of mind tonight.

“Awe hell” Dean cursed to himself twenty minutes down the highway as he pulled over and hit the steering wheel a couple of times. They needed the money pretty badly or he wouldn’t have driven the four hours to see Ellen in the first place. He and Sam had both ruined their FBI suits on the last hunt and baby needed new plugs. If he went back without seeing Ellen and collecting, Sam would not let it go. He turned the car back towards the roadhouse. It would be fine he reasoned. He would see Ellen, get paid and be on his way again. Nothing else needed to be said. He definitely didn’t have any reason to worry about having any awkward conversations with Jo. Nope. This was going to be just fine.

Jo caught Dean’s hasty exit and knew something had caused it. As soon as she caught up filling empty mugs she headed over to get the story from Ash.

“What happened to Dean? Why did he take off so fast?”

“He didn’t say. Just told me to tell Ellen he’ll call her.”

“Did he get a call first? Or a text?”

“Not that I saw.” Ash was being way too guarded and short. He kept his hands and his eyes on the beer in front of him and kept sucking at his lips like he was trying to keep them closed. Like he was trying to not say something he really wanted to say.

“Spit it out! You know something. Is it the yellow eyed demon? Does he need backup? Sam is hours away.”

“No” Ash blurted and knew he’d blown the chance to keep quiet. He sighed and cringed a little knowing her reaction was going to be heated. “I maybe mentioned you sometimes go out socially with a customer. You know to have a more private one on one type party.”

“You fucking what? How does that even come up in conversation? Did he ask you about my sex life? You better answer my question!”

“Whoa…I….which question?”

“Why would you tell someone that?”

“No one else would tell him and he needs to know how you feel about him.”

“What does my sex life have to do with some feelings you think I have for him?”

“I may have also pointed out you never pick up anyone when Dean is around to see it. And that may have been the point he decided to cut a trail.”

“This isn’t some sitcom Ash. You can’t just push people together like that. It’s more complicated than you think and you had no right. No right.” The hottest part of her anger was smothered now and felt like hot coals in her stomach, nauseating.

Customers were getting restless with empty glasses and bottles. Jo didn’t have any more time to waste on Ash and his misplaced helpfulness. She grabbed his bottle and threw in down at her feet. It was supposed to shatter for effect but only bounced. It still make a hell of a racket and got everyone’s attention.

“You’re cut off. Out.” Jo waved her arm towards the door as if she were shooing a fly.

Ash in his exaggerated way pushed back from the bar and straightened his shirt front before waking dramatically out the side exit. The regular customers had already gone back to their drinks when they saw who was being kicked out. Jo or Ellen one would have to kick him out every couple of months when he was on too deep of a bender. The few newcomers lost interest when he hit the door and the show was over.

The same guy Dean had seen Jo shutting down earlier caught her eye. “Hey that was pretty impressive little lady. Can I buy you a drink?”

“You know what, yeah you can. Do a shot with me.”

Jo poured and sized him up. Her suiter was somewhere close to thirty, pretty fit and she hadn’t seen him smoking or spitting, that was a plus. He was traveling with a build crew so that meant nothing long term to worry with. His fingers were rough and calloused but clean with neat short trimmed nails. Jo didn’t over think it. This guy would do. The pent up angry she had hold of needed a vent. She could run it out but not tonight. She would break her neck trying to run in the dark. She could drink it out, but Ellen was gone and she had to watch the roadhouse. It looked like fuck it out was the winner.

Jo was having a second shot with Mark, that was his name or she thought that was his name, when Ellen showed up about ten minutes later. Her mother gave a quizzical look but didn’t comment. Drinking on the job was rare for either of them.

“Did the Winchesters show up yet?”

“Dean did. He came and went. Said he would call you.”

“Is something going on?”

“No he just had to go. If you’re back I’m going to call it a night. Fine?”

“Yeah fine, are you ok?”

“I’m good, just ready to blow off some steam. It’s been a busy night. And I had to kick Ash out.” Her mother was satisfied with the explanation. Ellen’s mind was more occupied with why Dean had not stayed.

Jo filled a pitcher and nodded to Mark to join her at a table. She filled their mugs and stretched her legs out to rest in his lap when they were both settled in. Jo could be direct and crass but she preferred to use body language to get her point across. Mark didn’t have any trouble understanding her. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“Oh I do, but let’s finish the pitcher first.” He talked about his home town and saving up to buy a house. Jo nodded in the right places and said just enough to encourage him to keep talking. She was content to nurse her beer and her buzz while enjoying the way he trailed fingers over the inside of her calf and knee.

When the pitcher was empty Jo plunked her glass down and smiled sweetly. “You ready to go?”

“Lead the way little lady.”

Out in the parking lot Mark was heading to his car but she pointed him around back. There was a spare room in the bar. She always used the spare room. It was safer than being alone in a motel and meant she didn’t have to worry about driving home after. She could just kick him out and go to sleep. Ellen was no prude but neither mother nor daughter wanted to see or think about the other’s sex life.  Jo did both herself and Ellen the kindness of walking outside and going around the building rather than leading him behind the bar in full view.

As they rounded the corner, headlights caught them from a car pulling in faster than it should. Neither of them looked up until they heard a voice shout “Where the hell are you going with her!”


	2. Not my Daddy

Dean slid out of the impala in a fury, instinct taking over. A hunting knife tucked in his back waist band, car keys between his fingers to improve his punch. Fear had long since stopped giving him any adrenaline reaction but this, this was rage and he was so wound up he could hear the blood in his ears. Four long strides across the gravel and he was nose to nose with Jo. She had used the time to square her shoulders, widen her stance and step in front of what’s his name. She didn’t know exactly how this was going to go but she knew it was getting there fast.

“Where are you going Jo?” it was low and almost a whisper.

“Around back Dean” she gave back in the same sweet tone.

Mark joined in as they had both currently forgotten he was there. “Hey I didn’t know she had a man.”

“I don’t.” “Hit the road.” they said in unison and he wasted no time in heading for his car.

“What the hell are you doing? Do you even know that guy?”

“I think you know what I was going to do. It’s called sex.”

“You can’t just have sex with strangers in bars. I’m not going to stand around and watch you do that.”

“I didn’t invite you to watch. I’m not really into that.”

Their voices grew louder with each statement until they were full volume screaming

“Does your mother know about this? Where’s Ellen?”

“You’re not my father”

“Well you need one”

“I had one. Until yours got him killed.”

Jo could taste the regret even as she said the words. It was childish to push that at him but it was the hurting 11 year old girl who said it not the 22 year old woman and the little girl didn’t care. Jo turned and walked back into the bar. She had no hurry to her steps. Dean watched the door close behind her, kicked a rut in the gravel and followed.

Ellen saw her daughter come back in alone only minutes after leaving very much not alone. She looked fine physically but her eyes were too bright, bordering on red. Before she could ask Jo stopped her “I’m fine, change of plan, I’m going to bed.” She grabbed a bottle off the bar and headed back to the spare room. Ellen wasn’t too worried. Having Jo pass out in the bar was one of the safer nights. She wasn’t sneaking off to hunt. No she wasn’t too worried until she saw Dean stalk in with anger rolling off him and eyes racing around the room.

Never had there been a mother more determined to stand between her child and danger than Ellen was at that moment. She had no idea what just happened in the parking lot but she was not going to let round two go down in her back room. Dean crossed the room and she met him with very much the same posture Jo had in the parking lot.

“Nope. Whatever that was, whatever you just said or did to make my girl look like that is finished.”

“Ellen I just need to…”

“You just need to think again. You can sit your ass down on that stool or you can get the hell out.”

The two eyed each other for a few seconds before dean kicked the stool into place with his heel and sat down heavily. He was still a little afraid of Ellen after all.

“Now do you want to tell me what that was about?”

With all due respect, hell no.”

“Fine, do you want to tell me what brought you here then?”

Dean went into the details of the research he and Sam had done and gave Ellen the address of a small college library in Illinois and some photos of the maps the other hunter was after. They were part of a private collection on loan to the library and now that they were on display it should be no trouble for the interested party to go pick them up.

After getting paid for the information, Dean went out to catch a couple of hours sleep in the car. He would have ordinarily been offered the back room but for obvious reasons that wasn’t happening tonight. Leaving about six the next morning, Dean was having a late breakfast back with Sam by the time Jo woke up from her long hard night with a bottle of rye.

 

“Good morning sunshine” Ellen said bright and loud when Jo pushed through the swinging doors and came into the barroom.

“Coffee?” Jo responded hopefully.

“It’s in the pot, aspirins right beside it.

Jo made her way over and downed a couple of pills. She filled a mug and sipped gently at the hot black medicine letting her eyes close.

“You know we’re going to talk about last night so you might as well get started.” Ellen hoped she could get more out of her daughter while her resistance was low. Once Jo recovered from the hangover she would be more stubborn.

“Dean and I had a fight then I got drunk. Is that enough of a talk?”

“Jo honey, did he try something? Do I need to send some of the boys out to kick his ass?”

“No momma. He was very brotherly. He didn’t want his little sister picking up men in bars and came to defend my honor.” Ellen almost spit out her coffee then laughed long and deep.

“It’s not that funny, I’m not some floozy.”

“Oh sweetheart, it’s not you I’m laughing at, it’s Dean.” Ellen rubbed Jo’s back before pulling her into a hug.  “I could see the way he looked at you the first time he walked in here. I thought then, the only thing keeping him out of your pants was how badly those boys needed my help.”

“I’m pretty sure my age is what’s doing the job. I’m way past friend zone all the way into little sister zone.”

Ellen debated keeping quiet, it might be better in the long run if Jo didn’t know. It might save her daughter some heartache.  At twenty two Ellen knew there weren’t many things she could still teach her daughter about life. She wanted to make the most of these last few chances.

“Sweetheart, let me tell you something about men. Not all men but a good number of them. They don’t understand that women are people. They have been so conditioned to think of us as some different species that they can only relate to us in pre-defined roles. Mothers, lovers or sisters.  They completely miss the part where we can be their friends and equals.”

“That’s pretty sexist.”

“I’m not saying it’s intentional or even mean spirited but that’s the way it is. I think given time Dean will outgrow it. He hasn’t exactly had the chance to date or have normal relationships yet. He doesn’t know how to be friends with a woman.”

“Maybe this is more than you wanted to know but it’s not his friendship I’m interested in.”

Joanna …. I know you better than that. Maybe when he first walked in here that’s all you saw, but something changed between you two after you snuck off to go hunt and almost got yourself killed. When the two of you look at each other now you both see the chance of something more than a night or a weekend.”

Jo was irritated that her mother could still read her thoughts so easily but she expected as much. She wanted to deny it. She wanted to admit it. Admit out loud how she lost track of time passing when they looked at each other. Admit how difficult it was to move around the bar, filling glasses and collecting bottles when Dean was there. She could almost feel him watching her and that made it all the more important to never cast a glance his way. Then she would feel not looking was too intimate and would force herself to catch his eye and smile blandly. She would give him the same empty smile she gave every customer. Jo didn’t tell Ellen any of those things. The Harvelles, much like the Winchesters were not much for sharing their feelings.  Jo cut her eyes up slowly from her coffee mug and nodded

“Go on.”

“He wants to sleep with you but he doesn’t know what to do about the next day. He can’t just get up and walk out, you are in the life and part of his world. You don’t need protecting like other women he is used to and he doesn’t know how to deal with that either. You aren’t his lover or his sister and he’s torn. He can’t bring himself to make a move because he respects you too much, but he can’t stand to see you with someone else when part of him thinks it should be him.”  

Jo wanted to believe it. She hadn’t considered her crush, lust, obsession, whatever you wanted to call it, might be mutual.

“What am I supposed to do with that? Even if it is true, what do I do?”

Ellen knew it was rhetorical and gave Jo a sympathetic hug saying nothing.

Jo rested her forehead on her arm to shield her eyes from the brightness of the room and to let the tears fall unnoticed. She would go on as she had so far. Now it would be harder. Trading barbs and giving him the empty indifferent smile would take more will. Harder yes, but still it would be better. Better than giving in to the pull of desire. Finding out what it felt like to be the focal point of his complete attention only to see him run out on her after. That, Jo was not willing to risk.


End file.
